{March 2014}
This wonderful book, Shattered Vows has been instrumental in my recovery. My husbands acting out in his pornography(sexual) addiction has caused me significant trauma in my life and marriage. Whether your significant other has had major or minor issues with addiction it is important to recognize the pain and trauma that has brought into your life. Many women want so badly for their husbands to get better and for things to go away, that they spend all of their time and energy trying to fix their husband (I did this for years). Not only is this extremely unhealthy because you can not fix anyone (except yourself by turning your weaknesses over to your higher power) and you will go mad trying to "fix" someone else... It is IMPOSSIBLE but you also can not stuff your emotions and ignore them, because one way or another they will come out. This book is an excellent road map for anyone who has been hurt by another persons sexual acting out. This book goes into so many key issues that women/men have when their spouse has struggled with sexual purity. It discusses everything from setting boundaries, to processing the grief and trauma, to trust, forgiveness, depression, etc... I can not recommend this book enough. I have the utmost respect for this women who bravely shared her deepest pain with the world in the effort to bring others peace and understanding. What an amazing "Light Keeper" she is.
I have been doing 12 step with my addiction being that I focus on my husband's addiction. In the last couple of weeks I have worked really hard to focus just on me. As I have done so, it has become clear that my husband has no desire to be in recovery and I can't push him to do so. 12 step has also helped me realize that I don't have to live with his unwillingness to be in recovery. After 11 years of him doing recovery on his own schedule it is time that I take care of myself which in my case means divorce. I will have to read this book on how to work through all the emotions I am dealing with. Thank you for your blog!
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