{April 2014}

Wife posting...  TODAY I have officially been off the "sauce" aka CAFFEINE for 3 months. I decided to give up caffeine as a New Years resolution to try to have a better understanding of how hard it is to abstain from something and to better understand addiction. Let me start off by saying that I did not think this would be difficult for me at all. I thought caffeine is in no way a "need" in life, I can go off it and never look back. BOY was I wrong it has been so much harder then I thought. I have never been a big soda drinker, for me the problem is I would go get a cherry coke when I was having a bad day, stressed, or tired. It became a way for me to cope, "medicate". The past 3 months I have noticed that my strongest urges to drink caffeine come when I am having a hard day or struggling with something. I have almost caved several times thinking, "it's just caffeine, no one cares about my silly New Years resolution, no one will ever know". Giving up caffeine has been very eye opening for me to have a TINY glimpse of what my husband is going through. Being married to someone with an addiction has by far been the hardest trial of my life but I would never in a second want to be on the other side of this. My husband is fighting a battle I simply will never understand. I am trying so hard to be patient, loving, and Christlike. Due to the nature of this addiction and the havoc is causes wives, shattering their marriages and leaving them constantly wondering why, being understanding and loving towards my husband is a daily battle for me. I hope as I continue to turn this over to The Lord and depend on his Grace for my life that I can personally have more grace, love, and compasion for my husband.