{March 2014}

I have had some things on my mind today that have really got me thinking. I was thinking about how at times my husbands pornography addiction has made me feel very insecure about my body and looks. I know that his addiction has nothing to do with me, even knowing this I haven't met a wife yet who doesn't suffer self confidence issues as a result of her husbands sexual acting out. I was thinking this morning about what real intimacy is. Why we are given the gift of sexuality and sexual intimacy in marriage. Really it has NOTHING to do with sex, not sex in terms of the way the world views it. We are given this gift so that we can procreate, we are given this gift so we can be truly emotionally connected and intimate with our spouse. This is a blessing from Heavenly Father not so that we can be sexual (that is a worldly view on intimacy), we are given this gift so that we can understand true emotional connection. Did you know sexual addictions actually have nothing to do with sex??? Sounds crazy right!?!?!?! This addiction is actually a symptom of underlying core issues. (Please educate yourselves on the phychological causes of addictions). I have finally come to a place where I realize that my husbands issues had nothing to do with his physical attraction to me and had everything to do with his inability to emotionally connect with me, others, himself, and most importantly with his Heavenly Father. I am coming to a peaceful place where I am understanding what Heavenly Father has been trying to tell me all along, this isn't about me and this isn't about sex. That is what satan wants me to think, Satan wants me to feel unattractive and unchosen. It is Satan who is the FOOL, if we turn this over to The Lord, seek spiritual and medical guidance, our eyes can be opened to the truth and we can stop blaming ourselves!!!