Brene' Brown is simply brilliant!! Seriously encourage everyone to listen to what she has to say on Shame, Empathy and so on. Do yourself a favor today and listen to her words, evaluate how shame has played a part in your life, and reflect on ways to become more empathetic and authentic. This self reflection will do nothing but bless your life and relationships!!! For us personally the more education we get on these subjects and the harder we are working to be authentic and REAL the healthier we are and the more we heal. Studying shame has been a huge part of our recoveries, it is a painful process to look that deeply and honestly at your life and choices, but self awareness and acceptance can be so liberating and freeing. "Often, it’s not about becoming a new person, but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but don’t know how to be."

My heart aches this morning learning that a friend of mine is going through a similar trial to mine. Each time I learn of someone I care about having to face this battle my heart breaks a little more. It is amazing the difference in "Empathy" and "Sympathy". When I first found out about my husbands pornography "problem" (before there were any well know resources or education on what this "problem" really was) I remember feeling completely alone, like I was the only wife I could possibly know of who had a husband with this problem. I didn't think there was even a possibility that ANY of my friends or family could be dealing with this same trial. I felt alone, betrayed, broken, and worthless. I felt like I wasn't pretty, attractive, in shape, etc... enough to have a husband who was honest and faithful to me. I tried to plant my self firmly in my faith and in many ways I did, but I didn't realize the shame and hurt I stuffed deep down inside me. I was very young and knew NOTHING about addiction, nor did I even know my husband had an addiction.  As the years have gone on and I have learned the magnitude of pornography/sexual addiction I have come to discover just how many of my family and friends are fighting this same battle. You would think this knowledge would give me peace, discovering that I wasn't alone in this has certainly helped me to cope, but each time I learn of a friend or family member who is fighting this beast my heart sinks and tears fill my eyes. EMPATHY is a beautiful and painful emotion, sympathizing with someone is kind and loving, but to truly empathize you must know that persons pain and you hurt for them in away to others can't understand, you hurt because you KNOW, you have been there, and your heart aches for them.

{May 2014}

I am wearing some special bracelets today to as reminders how blessed I am. I am so grateful for the incredible women Heavenly Father has placed in my life. I have been blessed with amazing, beautiful, talented, & intelligent friends (&family). The blue beaded bracelet I have had for awhile, it was made by a friend of mine for my 30th bday, every time I wear this bracelet I am reminded of my sweet friends who threw me such a fun "over the hill" party. These friendships and their examples I truly treasure. The second bracelet was just given to me by one of my "light keepers". A beautiful and amazing friend who was placed in my life at a VERY specific time to give me hope and friendship during this challenging time in my life. She is further down the road of recovery then I am and her example, strength, and LIGHT are a big part of why I keep trying harder each day to heal and forgive. I can see what a challenging and yet beautiful experience recovery has been for her. You know who you are and I am soooooo grateful that Heavenly Father blessed me with your friendship, I have never in my life needed understanding and supportive friends more then I do right now. The craziest part about her gift is that I have been looking online for a bracelet JUST like this!!! I wanted a wrap bracelet with a stamped quote. The one she gave me says, "Love Life Be Brave", I couldn't think of anything more perfect right now. The past few weeks I have really worked harder to turn my pain, anger, resentment, and fears over to The Lord. I literally feel the weight of this burden being lifted. The more I am turning to The Lord and the more I am focusing on all of my incredible blessings the more at peace I feel and it is a beautiful feeling!!!

Go and read, "The hope of Gods LIGHT" by Dieter F. Uchtdorf!!! We read this today and it brought us an overwhelming amount of peace and reminded us that we need to just keep seeking, turning, and moving towards the LIGHT and everything will be ok.  https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/the-hope-of-gods-light?lang=engp

{April 2014}

Husband posting... Today we took a step in arming our family. We took a morning to be together, to eat, talk, and just enjoy being a couple. We took a step in creating more meaningful days that our family can have and hold on to as cherished memories by planning our life, setting goals and creating traditions. Pornography/sexual addiction isolates us from those we love and those connections that would truly fill our soul and our heart. I hope we all take time to step outside of our day and touch the lives of those we love. I am glad to be part of such an important stand against the destruction of the family. I hope we all have a light to guide us when it gets dark, we can always reach out for help.

{April 2014}

Wife posting...  TODAY I have officially been off the "sauce" aka CAFFEINE for 3 months. I decided to give up caffeine as a New Years resolution to try to have a better understanding of how hard it is to abstain from something and to better understand addiction. Let me start off by saying that I did not think this would be difficult for me at all. I thought caffeine is in no way a "need" in life, I can go off it and never look back. BOY was I wrong it has been so much harder then I thought. I have never been a big soda drinker, for me the problem is I would go get a cherry coke when I was having a bad day, stressed, or tired. It became a way for me to cope, "medicate". The past 3 months I have noticed that my strongest urges to drink caffeine come when I am having a hard day or struggling with something. I have almost caved several times thinking, "it's just caffeine, no one cares about my silly New Years resolution, no one will ever know". Giving up caffeine has been very eye opening for me to have a TINY glimpse of what my husband is going through. Being married to someone with an addiction has by far been the hardest trial of my life but I would never in a second want to be on the other side of this. My husband is fighting a battle I simply will never understand. I am trying so hard to be patient, loving, and Christlike. Due to the nature of this addiction and the havoc is causes wives, shattering their marriages and leaving them constantly wondering why, being understanding and loving towards my husband is a daily battle for me. I hope as I continue to turn this over to The Lord and depend on his Grace for my life that I can personally have more grace, love, and compasion for my husband.

{April 2014}

"As we seek to increase our love for God and strive to love our neighbor, the LIGHT of the Gospel will SURROUND us and UPLIFT us" -President Dieter F. Uchtdorf 

The answer to hope and healing for those trapped in addictions and for their loved ones is LIGHT!!! The light of Christ is the answer. Turning our life over to him and surrendering to him our hurt, pain, and brokenness is "the light and the way"

Did you know that the most popular day to view pornography is SUNDAY, did  you know every second of every single day $3,075 dollars is spent on pornography and every second 28,258 people are viewing pornography, UTAH has the highest subscription rate in the entire United States for online pornography sites. The average age that children first view online porngraphy is just 11 years old, most of the time exposed because of an older family members pornography viewing. The most common users of porn are CHILDREN ages 12-17, 100% of young men will have viewed pornography in some form by age 18. Every day there are 116,000 searches for child pornography. Do I have your attention yet???

Who out there practices self care? And how many people are thinking, "what is self care"? Did you know that NO one can "make" you happy? For years I didn't understand this concept, I thought you got married and *MADE* each other happy. I didn't realize that happiness was a choice (mentality) and my personal responsibility. And most importantly no matter how hard you try you can NOT make another person happy, you can not control them, you can not change them. This isn't to say I wasn't happy but when tough times came and my husband was caught in addictions I blamed him for my unhappiness. I am working hard on self care, I am realizing that to be the mom, wife, daughter, friend, person I want to be I have to fill up my cup first so that I can then share with others. If our cups are empty no one else can fill them and we have nothing to give from our empty cup. "Self-care" is not selfish (self-centered definitely is). I am SUCH a better mom and wife when I am taking care of me!!! You might be the type of person is who is always doing for others and has no time for yourself, you might even think that this is what completes you and gives your life happiness and purpose, but I promise you through my own experience if you put off your own needs to meet everyone else's you will in some way pay the price. I encourage everyone to do something for them self today to nurture your mind, body, & spirit!!! I can honestly say despite the huge trials we are currently facing I have many things I find so much happiness in, I am building self confidence through my self care, I am handing my life and my hurts over to The Lord and he is healing me. 

{April 2014}

"Let go and let God." I have full faith in my Heavenly Fathers love for me although sometimes trusting his timing and his plan can be so scary. I am working hard to put my life, heart, fears, and hurts in his hands. I know it is the only way, yet it can still be so scary. Sometimes I wonder why I have this false sense of control, no matter how hard I try to control anything, I can't. Letting go a surrendering your life to The Lord is so challenging, yet so rewarding. I am working hard to surrender and trust in The Lord completely. (Wife posting)

I'm not sure Satan realized who he was going up against when he waged his war on my family. I'm not sure he realized that his fiery darts might hurt, but that I am not letting them get me down. Christ can heal all wounds and I am okay with scars, they show determination and unwillingness to surrender. I don't think he realized that I will always fight even when my husband can't. I am not just taking a stand and becoming a fighter just for myself and my family, I am taking a stand for all families. I am saying #ENOUGH!!! I pray everyday that my husband can continue to heal, recover, and that he can have the strength to completely join Gods army and fight this evil. I believe his story of addiction and trauma can touch so many lives, I believe he will have the strength to share that story, I believe in miracles, I believe in the atonement, I believe God can heal my husband and my broken heart. Satan waged a personal attack on my family but he didn't realize the power of my testimony in Jesus Christ and my Heavenly Father, he didn't realize that my faith would pull me through. He didn't realize that I am not giving up, NO MATTER what!!! 

If you aren't following this page I encourage you to do so!!! They are doing incredible things to educate parents and youth on the dangers of pornography. I am so impressed by them and inspired by their mission. I have contacted them in regards to coming to the schools in my local area and plan to pay for them to come educate the youth that I care so much about. @fightthenewdrug #fightthenewdrug #pornkillslove #becomeafighter 

{April 2014}

This song tugs on my heart and fills my eyes with tears. I am constantly thinking, "why didn't he say something". Why didn't he tell me, why are we here in this awful place??? The line, "it was over my head, I knew nothing at all" just breaks my heart. This was over my husbands head, over my head, he didn't know this addiction had this kind of power over him, he hid it to keep our marriage together, he didn't know it would take over, that it would leave a path of years of destruction, he didn't know it could ever bring us to this place. He "thought" he could control it and beat it. You can't overcome addictions while hiding them and lying to those you love. Secrets hold you in bondage, secrets are the lifeblood of addiction, there is no happiness, peace, or recovery if living with secrets. I beg you, if you or a loved one are in the trap of addictions, SAY SOMETHING. Speak up, ask for help, educate yourself on addiction, STAND UP and FIGHT for your life!!! Addictions ROB you and those that love you of the life you were meat I have, they rob you of time, they rob you of the person you were meant to be, they rob you of your intimate connection to your creator, your Father in Heaven, who loves you more then you could comprehend. SAY SOMETHING, let people in, IT IS OK, we are all fighting our own battles, being honest with enrich your relationships and will empower you. Turn this over to The Lord, ask for help, he will send help, you can recover, you can be honest, you CAN say something!!!

{April 2014}

I found this quiz online today and thought it would be helpful for those that are wondering if they or their spouse/loved one have a sexual addiction. Chances are if you think your sexual behavior might be a problem, it more then likely is. Admitting there is a problem is step one. You are NOT a bad person if you have struggled with an addiction of any kind, making poor choices doesn't mean you are bad. You are a child of God, who loves you, who sees your worth, and with his help you can be free of this in your life. These types of choices are going to have painful consequences but there is hope, and healing. You can be happy and you can find peace. There is recovery!!!! 

{April 2014}

This morning I went to yoga. Yoga has been a HUGE help for me physically and mentally. I consider my self an intermediate yogi. Today was especially difficult for me, my lower back was hurting, my hips were really tight, and my emotions were running high. I set my intention for my practice today, I old myself, "I AM ENOUGH"! I repeated this in my mind over and over throughout the practice. The class was difficult for me, but I enjoyed the challenge. We got to a particular hip opener and I could feel my emotions and anxiety pounding out of my chest, I could feel the tears coming. I put my head down and just asked Heavenly Father to help me surrender the pain, the physical pain and the emotional. I asked him to remove the overwhelming sadness and help me to find peace. After the class I was continuing to stretch out some of the tightness I was feeling, the women in front of me turned around and told me how much she enjoyed watching me and that my practice was so beautiful. I thought there was no way she was talking to me, I even asked her if she really meant that comment for me. Her compliment mean so much to me, I don't go to yoga to be good at it, I am there for the soul purpose of giving me strength. It made me think about how powerful our words are, how much one positive comment can really change a persons day. You never know what your words will mean to someone. Our words can either put others down, shame them, and discourage them... OR we can find something beautiful, positive, and wonderful in every person that we meet AND we can open our mouths and compliment everyone we meet!!! This womens sweet comment literally turned my entire day around, it was just the encouragement I needed to feel positive and happy with myself today. She WAS an immediate answer to my prayer for peace and was a "light keeper" for me in a moment of darkness. 

{April 2014}

I am so incredibly grateful for the LifeStar addiction recovery program. We have been attending a group in our local area for the past 5 months. This program is incredible and is blessing our lives so much. I highly recommend the program to any individual/couple that is struggling with sexual addiction in their lives!

{March 2014}

Somedays I feel like I am on a Roller Coaster ride from HELL! Living with and loving an addict is no easy task. Their minds have been distorted from their addictions and reality for them is altered in many ways. My husband was exposed to pornography at the age of 12 and his addiction kicked into gear around age 15. So he has been living in addiction for a VERY long time. For me I discovered his addiction 10 years ago, just a few years into our marriage. It has been such a roller coaster ride of ups, downs, and in-betweens. Just when I feel like I am doing good or even great, I am triggered by something and I am sucked right back into the pain, resentment, fear, etc... etc... I am learning I can't control triggers, they are going to happen and I have to deal with them when they do. My "tool box" of coping strategies really needs to grow, I hate feeling stuck. All day today I have felt so stuck in the pain and resentment of where our marriage and life currently is. I have been stuck in the injustice of my situation, I have been a loving, compassionate, forgiving wife, it sucks that we are back to this awful place. BUT I know that my Father in Heaven is always there for me, I know I can put this in hands. I have an unwavering testimony of the Plan of Salvation and I know that Christ suffered and died for me personally. He knows my pain, he has experienced it, and he is the only one capable of taking it from me. I have to turn this over to my higher power, I have to focus on me, I can't control my husbands acting out or his recovery. All I can do is live in the moment, find joy in the journey, and pray for better tomorrow's. 

We realize that many people are not comfortable commenting or asking questions, if you would like to email us please feel free. We are happy to reach out to others, share our story, and point you in the direction of help and healing. 

{March 2014}

Join me TODAY at 5pm (PST) in a group prayer for ALL effected by addictions. How powerful will it be if we each kneel in prayer at the same time asking The Lord for hope and healing as an army of his children? Become a "Light Keeper" and bring light to those suffering, if you wish, light a candle before you pray to remind you of your commitment to be a "Keeper of Light". If you do light a candle and pray I would love for you to post a picture of your candle and tag #lightkeepers or #wearethelightkeepers. 

Please join us, help us share the message of hope and healing with the world!!! I wanted to share this wonderful book with you all, Healing Through Christ- Help, Hope, and Healing. This is a Christ-centered approach to the 12-step program. It is a wonderful tool for those who are hurting because of a loved ones addiction. This book is full of education and tools for dealing with addiction. You can download your FREE copy at www.healingthroughchrist.org

For those seeking guidance for their addiction I encourage you to visit www.addictionrecovery.lds.org there are so many wonderful resources and tools on this website to help you and those that love you to heal. On this website you will also find a link to 12-step support groups around the world, both for those struggling with addiction and groups for their loved ones.

Happy Sunday everyone!! I hope your day is filled with faith, hope, and peace. 💗

{March 2014}

Phew!!! I need to repeat this over and over again in my head today. Work stress, kids stress, life stress, marriage stress!!! Live one day at a time, plan for the future, learn from the past, but LIVE in the present. And remember the only persons choices you can control are your own, so choose those choices wisely!!! Happy Saturday everyone!!! I am going to enjoy today no matter what, because I choose to be happy despite my circumstances. No person or event can keep me from being happy, because happiness is a mentality not something that happens to you!!! 

{March 2014}

I have had some things on my mind today that have really got me thinking. I was thinking about how at times my husbands pornography addiction has made me feel very insecure about my body and looks. I know that his addiction has nothing to do with me, even knowing this I haven't met a wife yet who doesn't suffer self confidence issues as a result of her husbands sexual acting out. I was thinking this morning about what real intimacy is. Why we are given the gift of sexuality and sexual intimacy in marriage. Really it has NOTHING to do with sex, not sex in terms of the way the world views it. We are given this gift so that we can procreate, we are given this gift so we can be truly emotionally connected and intimate with our spouse. This is a blessing from Heavenly Father not so that we can be sexual (that is a worldly view on intimacy), we are given this gift so that we can understand true emotional connection. Did you know sexual addictions actually have nothing to do with sex??? Sounds crazy right!?!?!?! This addiction is actually a symptom of underlying core issues. (Please educate yourselves on the phychological causes of addictions). I have finally come to a place where I realize that my husbands issues had nothing to do with his physical attraction to me and had everything to do with his inability to emotionally connect with me, others, himself, and most importantly with his Heavenly Father. I am coming to a peaceful place where I am understanding what Heavenly Father has been trying to tell me all along, this isn't about me and this isn't about sex. That is what satan wants me to think, Satan wants me to feel unattractive and unchosen. It is Satan who is the FOOL, if we turn this over to The Lord, seek spiritual and medical guidance, our eyes can be opened to the truth and we can stop blaming ourselves!!!

{March 2014}

This wonderful book, Shattered Vows has been instrumental in my recovery. My husbands acting out in his pornography(sexual) addiction has caused me significant trauma in my life and marriage. Whether your significant other has had major or minor issues with addiction it is important to recognize the pain and trauma that has brought into your life. Many women want so badly for their husbands to get better and for things to go away, that they spend all of their time and energy trying to fix their husband (I did this for years). Not only is this extremely unhealthy because you can not fix anyone (except yourself by turning your weaknesses over to your higher power) and you will go mad trying to "fix" someone else... It is IMPOSSIBLE but you also can not stuff your emotions and ignore them, because one way or another they will come out. This book is an excellent road map for anyone who has been hurt by another persons sexual acting out. This book goes into so many key issues that women/men have when their spouse has struggled with sexual purity. It discusses everything from setting boundaries, to processing the grief and trauma, to trust, forgiveness, depression, etc... I can not recommend this book enough. I have the utmost respect for this women who bravely shared her deepest pain with the world in the effort to bring others peace and understanding. What an amazing "Light Keeper" she is.

{March 2014}

I can't stress this enough to the spouses of those caught in sexual (&other) addiction. Your spouses addiction is NOT your fault. If they try to tell you it is, know that THEY are wrong!!! It has nothing to do with how hard you have tried, how much you love them, your beauty, or your worth. The addiction is not because of you! You can not fix it, you can not change them, you can not force them into recovery. You CAN change you. You can seek help, peace, and happiness through this trial you are facing. Please always remember you are loved, you are a child of God, he loves you, he knows your worth even when you can't see it, he will guide you to healing. I encourage all spouses and those struggling with addictions to seek help. Turn this over to The Lord, put this in his hands, allow him to heal you!!! Find a LDS 12-step group to attend, find a SA or SANON group, seeking counseling... Find a way to reach out of the darkness!!! I promise when you reach out and put this in The Lords hands, he will send those that will light the way for your recovery. He will send you friendships and support that you never imagined possible. And as you get better your light will shine brighter and can become a light keeper for someone else!!! Stand up and fight!!! For more information on support groups contact us at... wearethelightkeepers@gmail.com

{March 2014}

This book is a must read for ALL!!! Some people will think that they don't need to educate themselves on pornography addiction because it hasn't affected their life... To them I say "it hasn't effected you YET or that you know of, every family will be impacted by pornography in some way". As parents we HAVE to educate ourselves on this issue, it is a HUGE issue for our children. The average age of exposure is around 7 years old. With the technology that is available at our children's finger tips we have to TALK to our children about the dangers of pornography, we have to have filters on our computers, phones, iPads, tablets, kindles, etc, etc... We have to be educated and we have to stand up and take stance on this issue. We may not be able to control what goes on outside of our homes and for that reason we and our children must understand the dangers and consequences of pornography. But we can do our best to control what goes on inside of our homes, we can do our best to put filters on our internet devices to protect us and our families. Would you allow your child to carry crack cocaine in their pocket??? Guess what pornography addiction is as difficult to beat as a cocaine addiction!!! Please educate your selves and please stand with us as "Light Keepers" to light the way to healing and hope for those that are lost in this addiction and for those that are effected by a loved ones addiction (the spouses need just as much support). We can be contacted privately via email- wearethelightkeepers@gmail.com

{March 2014}

My husband and I are working hard on this!!! We want to be happy, we want to be healthy, we want to recover from the damage addictions have caused our marriage. We could use prayers, life has been challenging and overwhelming lately. We feel so grateful for those that have been "Light Keepers" for us, who have walked the path we are on, who have found recovery and peace, they are lighting the way for us, and we want to light the way for others. We have a firm faith in the power of the atonement, we believe in miracles, we are handing this over to The Lord and we know he will provide the way if we keep his commandments. 

{March 2014}

I wish more people understood the truth about pornography. I wish the world knew that it is a DRUG. It is destroying peoples minds in the same ways that physical drugs do!!! Your brain on porn is just like your brain on drugs. We teach our children to not do drugs, in our schools we have programs to keep kids off of drugs... The world needs to WAKE UP and see that there is a NEW drug and if not dealt with it WILL destroy your life, it will damage your relationships, it will distort your thinking, it will cause brain damage, you will do things that go against the core of who you are and what you believe. I know this is true because I am living it. I am married to an addict, I love him, we have a beautiful family, he loves me, we go to church, on the outside we look normal... But behind closed doors we are fighting a daily battle, Satan has waged his war on our family, he does not want us to heal from the damages of this addiction, he wants to destroy our family. Please pray for all those who are trapped in this addiction and for those who have been effected by it's destructiveness!! Stand with us, fight with us, be a "Light Keeper" for those that are lost and hurting. PLEASE educate yourselves on addiction, what addiction really is, why people become addicted, there is more to this then men/women being curious about porn and getting hooked. Study the mental health issues around addictions. Gain knowledge and learn how to fight this!!! Pornography will effect every single family in some way. Become a FIGHTER and a LIGHT KEEPER!!! 

{February 2014}

I recently discovered that my husband was still actively engaged in his addictions. His enormous amounts of bad shame kept him from coming forward and reaching for out for help. Over the years as I educated myself on addiction I was at a place where I wanted my husband to come to me, I wanted to fight this together, and I believed we were. Shame kept my husband in his addiction, shame was his bondage, shame, BAD shame was what brought us to this point. I encourage all who are effected by addictions to do some research on the science behind addictions, learn why people fall into addictions, what the underlying causes are, and methods to get help for these problems. AND those that love someone with addictions... Please, I am begging you, seek help for YOU!!!!!!!!! You can not control the addict, you can not make the addict stop, you can not fix them. The only person you have control over is you, take care of you, make sure you are seeking help for the trauma of the addicts behaviors!!!

{February 2014}

Keeping yourself free from addictions of any kind starts with taking it one day at a time, take baby steps, and turning it over to your higher power. Be 100% committed, one day at a time!

{February 2014}

I discovered my husbands pornography addiction over ten years ago, just a few years into our marriage. Little did I know then as a young wife that this addiction would escalate. I would have never guessed with that first discovery that we would be fighting this BATTLE ten years later. In my innocence I just assumed that after the first discovery that it would never happen again. I thought he could "just stop"!!! I knew nothing about sexual addiction, I knew nothing about the bad shame that drives addiction, I knew nothing about how his "acting out" would cause me intense trauma. I have learned so much over the years. I have educated myself on addiction and I am learning how to take care of ME!!! 

{February 2014}

We are the "Light Keepers", husband and wife who are battling through the trial of addictions plaguing our marriage. We want to give a voice to those hurting, searching for answers and help. We want to be open, honest, and share our story with the world. Satan has waged his war on families. We want to show this evil that we aren't going down, we are standing up to fight  for our family, for all families. We have had several special people placed in our lives specifically to be our "Light Keepers". Without their examples of hope, strength, and recovery we would be lost. We have turned this trial over to our Higher Power and feel strongly compelled to reach out and help others. We hope you will follow our journey and spread our story.