Brene' Brown is simply brilliant!! Seriously encourage everyone to listen to what she has to say on Shame, Empathy and so on. Do yourself a favor today and listen to her words, evaluate how shame has played a part in your life, and reflect on ways to become more empathetic and authentic. This self reflection will do nothing but bless your life and relationships!!! For us personally the more education we get on these subjects and the harder we are working to be authentic and REAL the healthier we are and the more we heal. Studying shame has been a huge part of our recoveries, it is a painful process to look that deeply and honestly at your life and choices, but self awareness and acceptance can be so liberating and freeing. "Often, it’s not about becoming a new person, but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but don’t know how to be."

My heart aches this morning learning that a friend of mine is going through a similar trial to mine. Each time I learn of someone I care about having to face this battle my heart breaks a little more. It is amazing the difference in "Empathy" and "Sympathy". When I first found out about my husbands pornography "problem" (before there were any well know resources or education on what this "problem" really was) I remember feeling completely alone, like I was the only wife I could possibly know of who had a husband with this problem. I didn't think there was even a possibility that ANY of my friends or family could be dealing with this same trial. I felt alone, betrayed, broken, and worthless. I felt like I wasn't pretty, attractive, in shape, etc... enough to have a husband who was honest and faithful to me. I tried to plant my self firmly in my faith and in many ways I did, but I didn't realize the shame and hurt I stuffed deep down inside me. I was very young and knew NOTHING about addiction, nor did I even know my husband had an addiction.  As the years have gone on and I have learned the magnitude of pornography/sexual addiction I have come to discover just how many of my family and friends are fighting this same battle. You would think this knowledge would give me peace, discovering that I wasn't alone in this has certainly helped me to cope, but each time I learn of a friend or family member who is fighting this beast my heart sinks and tears fill my eyes. EMPATHY is a beautiful and painful emotion, sympathizing with someone is kind and loving, but to truly empathize you must know that persons pain and you hurt for them in away to others can't understand, you hurt because you KNOW, you have been there, and your heart aches for them.

{May 2014}

I am wearing some special bracelets today to as reminders how blessed I am. I am so grateful for the incredible women Heavenly Father has placed in my life. I have been blessed with amazing, beautiful, talented, & intelligent friends (&family). The blue beaded bracelet I have had for awhile, it was made by a friend of mine for my 30th bday, every time I wear this bracelet I am reminded of my sweet friends who threw me such a fun "over the hill" party. These friendships and their examples I truly treasure. The second bracelet was just given to me by one of my "light keepers". A beautiful and amazing friend who was placed in my life at a VERY specific time to give me hope and friendship during this challenging time in my life. She is further down the road of recovery then I am and her example, strength, and LIGHT are a big part of why I keep trying harder each day to heal and forgive. I can see what a challenging and yet beautiful experience recovery has been for her. You know who you are and I am soooooo grateful that Heavenly Father blessed me with your friendship, I have never in my life needed understanding and supportive friends more then I do right now. The craziest part about her gift is that I have been looking online for a bracelet JUST like this!!! I wanted a wrap bracelet with a stamped quote. The one she gave me says, "Love Life Be Brave", I couldn't think of anything more perfect right now. The past few weeks I have really worked harder to turn my pain, anger, resentment, and fears over to The Lord. I literally feel the weight of this burden being lifted. The more I am turning to The Lord and the more I am focusing on all of my incredible blessings the more at peace I feel and it is a beautiful feeling!!!

Go and read, "The hope of Gods LIGHT" by Dieter F. Uchtdorf!!! We read this today and it brought us an overwhelming amount of peace and reminded us that we need to just keep seeking, turning, and moving towards the LIGHT and everything will be ok.  https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/the-hope-of-gods-light?lang=engp

{April 2014}

Husband posting... Today we took a step in arming our family. We took a morning to be together, to eat, talk, and just enjoy being a couple. We took a step in creating more meaningful days that our family can have and hold on to as cherished memories by planning our life, setting goals and creating traditions. Pornography/sexual addiction isolates us from those we love and those connections that would truly fill our soul and our heart. I hope we all take time to step outside of our day and touch the lives of those we love. I am glad to be part of such an important stand against the destruction of the family. I hope we all have a light to guide us when it gets dark, we can always reach out for help.

{April 2014}

Wife posting...  TODAY I have officially been off the "sauce" aka CAFFEINE for 3 months. I decided to give up caffeine as a New Years resolution to try to have a better understanding of how hard it is to abstain from something and to better understand addiction. Let me start off by saying that I did not think this would be difficult for me at all. I thought caffeine is in no way a "need" in life, I can go off it and never look back. BOY was I wrong it has been so much harder then I thought. I have never been a big soda drinker, for me the problem is I would go get a cherry coke when I was having a bad day, stressed, or tired. It became a way for me to cope, "medicate". The past 3 months I have noticed that my strongest urges to drink caffeine come when I am having a hard day or struggling with something. I have almost caved several times thinking, "it's just caffeine, no one cares about my silly New Years resolution, no one will ever know". Giving up caffeine has been very eye opening for me to have a TINY glimpse of what my husband is going through. Being married to someone with an addiction has by far been the hardest trial of my life but I would never in a second want to be on the other side of this. My husband is fighting a battle I simply will never understand. I am trying so hard to be patient, loving, and Christlike. Due to the nature of this addiction and the havoc is causes wives, shattering their marriages and leaving them constantly wondering why, being understanding and loving towards my husband is a daily battle for me. I hope as I continue to turn this over to The Lord and depend on his Grace for my life that I can personally have more grace, love, and compasion for my husband.

{April 2014}

"As we seek to increase our love for God and strive to love our neighbor, the LIGHT of the Gospel will SURROUND us and UPLIFT us" -President Dieter F. Uchtdorf 

The answer to hope and healing for those trapped in addictions and for their loved ones is LIGHT!!! The light of Christ is the answer. Turning our life over to him and surrendering to him our hurt, pain, and brokenness is "the light and the way"

Did you know that the most popular day to view pornography is SUNDAY, did  you know every second of every single day $3,075 dollars is spent on pornography and every second 28,258 people are viewing pornography, UTAH has the highest subscription rate in the entire United States for online pornography sites. The average age that children first view online porngraphy is just 11 years old, most of the time exposed because of an older family members pornography viewing. The most common users of porn are CHILDREN ages 12-17, 100% of young men will have viewed pornography in some form by age 18. Every day there are 116,000 searches for child pornography. Do I have your attention yet???